Cambridge, England 2010: Handing the batons of responsibility to our children stands out as one primary goal of parenting. Legendary Cambridge University represents one place where the fruits of artful parenting well prepare children to tackle and take charge of their own lives in their own Gardens of Eden. May we neither neglect nor drown within the dynamic growth charts of our children.
Excerpts from Trent’s historical letters candidly and anonymously offer flavors and insights from real-time and real-life origins. Hop aboard these instructions and confessions in mid-stream, below, and see if they help you, too. This Letter from 2010 addresses the delicate art of parenting.
From Trent Ling:
I’ll share with you the following:
1. It seems that the Mrs. is right when it comes to “over-managing” the children. My impression is that you and other parents are too overbearing and saying too many words and asking too many questions of such little people. Provide a rich and safe “garden” and let them enjoy it and grow in it.
2. Many of your kids’ troubles/struggles/shortfalls will likely burn off as they grow. It would be a waste of time and could even be destructive to intervene on everything and to try to get it right and perfect at this point. In reality, children will be given over to disobedience ultimately that God may have mercy on them (as it was with us). Nothing you do can stop that destination anyway. You probably need another five kids so that you cannot be all over them all the time. Romans 11:32.
3. It is right to drive out the folly (hitting, kicking, willful disobedience to what is rightly demanded) and put your trust in the God who invented the rod of discipline. It will work. Perhaps at camping we’ll see you in action and help you further.
4. You need to read the Bible. You need to search out what’s up with your children and what’s up with you two parents. Get answers from the Bible, understand, and do what those answers require. It would be great to see you “Top to Bottom” (a recorded preached message available upon request) this and get your own deal straightened and get insight on the kids. Telling you a hundred things that God’s favor revealed to me for my household won’t deliver your situation. Everyone will just end up naked and bleeding as usual. Acts 19:16.
There is much more to share, but will be better served face to face. We’ll see what God provides at camping. Also, other parts of the body can help. More and more, brothers are coming to me and saying that I’m “the only one who can help in this situation.” I do not believe that, and God is likely to oppose such talk. It is sufficient in this season for our people to let me read a written conclusion they’ve reached. If such conclusion cannot withstand testing, I’ll likely issue a warning, a correction, and/or some advice. My days milling around in someone else’s trenches are probably over. It is too time-consuming and brings only dubious results. I have my own trenches to trudge in and around for the foreseeable future.
Your love for your children and God’s wisdom will prevail in your current predicament.
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Hey All, It is always a temptation for me to over manage the boys. And to some extent it is selfishness! I want them to be well behaved, do right and have the right attitude. How exhausting and impossible it must be for them! My recent time with them in NJ was life changing though. I just gave them boundaries and let them live and explore while watching over them. Our time together was such a joy and has really raised the bar in our lives. I cant imagine how impossible parenting would be if it were not for God, the bible and my family of believers!
Amen Melvin 🙂 And Siauw I can so relate! I lack patience and also have a scientific outlook on how to parent. I over manage the girls at times and thanks to God’s mercy the girls aren’t destroyed by it. I am glad that this posting reflects on the freedom that should be afforded to a child so they can grow. And it makes sense, a baby has to fall so many times before they can walk upright – it would make sense to give the room for children to make mistakes in front of you rather than having them make those mistakes behind your back b/c they are trying to not include their overbearing parent. Thank you for the posting and the recent talk Trent regarding this subject, I’m hoping I can rack up a lot of mileage in this 🙂 with my girls!
I join Foster in his Godly sorrow that for the years I have lead Naty through the desert of bad parenting. Before becoming a disciple I thought that spending time with her, taking her to lavish trips, and just “being there for her” made me a good parent. Little did I know that my main role as a father is to reflect Jesus and live a life of righteousness that she could later emulate on her own. Now that the Spirit guides me I can get true revelation form His word and I can lead her to greener pastures. Trent is right, the Bible will tell me what and how I should teach Natalia, how I should discipline her, and when to step back to let her work her own deal with God.
Trent said I’m a scientist parent, I want my kids to be always in their precise behavior. I have a tendency to worry (since we are disciple parents) whether we have given them the proper teaching or maybe they haven’t been taught properly, bla.. bla.. I lack patience when it comes to not wanting my children to waste their time being handed over to silliness or meanness. I thought why waste your time when you have the dad that can help you sail smoothly?! Thanks to Trent’s better way of parenting!
This humbles me greatly. I did not put my trust in the God who invented the rod of discipline to drive out folly. Instead I was a father who acted as a coward and shrunk back in the way the world handles discipline with children (watered down and wimpy). And as it humbles me greatly – I cannot in the same paragraph go without showing a tide of gratitude to God for how He has raised our daughter during my derelict cowardly years as a father who was supposedly a disciple. I refer to Psalm 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
I cannot take lightly what God has done during those years and even now as I am so thankful for His glorious involvement. Thank you Father.
Amen! This letter is living and active–and it will stay true when it’s my turn to be a parent. Thanks and love you.