Blue Ridge Parkway, NC 2010: Heading the wrong way from home? “Yes.” Taking a winding path to nowhere? “Yes.” Sitting in the highway to enjoy the best of views? “Yes.”
From Trent Ling:
Some parents may feel as if they came up the hard way, and many wear chips on their shoulders over it. Others simply wear out from self-imposed worries and under-funded decisions. Many essentially compete with their modern-day children by insisting that the kids navigate the same hoops, obstacles, and nonsenses that prior generations endured, and/or by sloughing to the kids parental shares of parentally reaped burdens.
Let us allow the Bible to elevate our standards:
“But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not ‘Yes’ and ‘No.’ For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you… was not ‘Yes’ and ‘No,’ but in him it has always been ‘Yes.’ For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:19-20.
Not with a scowl, but with God’s generous attitude, may we similarly aim for “Yes” with our children, offering to them the exact heart and inclination that God directs toward us. Unless neglected or misled, children generally set out upon pure, intriguing, innovative, and worthy pursuits. Say “Yes” to them if at all possible. Such will set an invigorating course for their lives. They will have no need to develop underground lives to hide from naysayers and no-sayers, and they will have no need to look to the counterfeits of life for solace or salve.
With a prudent and supportive default position of “Yes,” children and parents shall together operate under the same liberating standards and opportunities. God loves those who share and extend His graces and mercies. Keeping it for ourselves, as if we have somehow “earned” it, contradicts the Bible, misrepresents our benevolent God, sours our children, and sends them packing to look for sensibility elsewhere (not at home and not in the Bible).
Hear, regard, understand, support, and love your children, their interests, requests, ambitions, and dreams. Far beyond a momentary benefit, kids will grow to know with certainty and learn more fully the limitlessness of life and the badge of responsibility conferred only upon the free. Do not mindlessly and callously coop their spirits as if they were livestock destined to be sold on the cheap. God is watching. His wrath against lazy, thoughtless parenting gathers immeasurably.
This letter does not present a “lie down” teaching. The strictness of exhortation plentifully available on this website should assuage any thinking of this letter as “soft.” Rather, this instruction standardizes freedom for all and protects the small and powerless from the whims and lazinesses of worn-out, snappy, quick-triggered parents. In the event Suzy and Billy must be told, “No,” parents must articulate God-approved rationale for such. “Because I said so,” and “Because I’m the mom,” and “Because back in my day…” are not sufficient reasons for “No.” Departing from Scripturally accountable standards only confuses the kids and curses the adults. Take a thoughtful moment and avoid this common and wholly unnecessary catastrophe.
A prior letter, Parenting 101: Be a Disciple, should always be consulted to bolster those aiming to conquer greater territory with their children. Make no mistake, without a life surrendered to Christ, the ceilings, not the skies, set the limits.
Please feel free to join and further the discussion via the options below. No email or website information is required to post comments (unless you seek the notifications offered).
I am with this 100%.
Makenzie knows that it is always “yes” in our house. She banks on it and freely tells us that we have to offer her a good reason if we say “no” to something. If not, she’ll rightly rebuke us and say,”That’s not even a real reason!”
Sadly, when I look around, I rarely see that truth of the scriptures: to see the freedom that God offers and make it happen for our children in the lives of others.
What you wrote here is a great offering of Life to all parents.
I remember when Lynette wanted to go to a health education career camp in her Junior year of High School. I felt excited for her and felt it would be a great experience. Sad to say I was not always a yes parent to my children. Hope today’s parents take advantage of this great teaching.
Trent and all, I had the opportunity to put this awesome teaching into practice last Friday after I read the post. On my way back from picking up Natalia, she was telling me of her desire to go to a one-week educational trip to Washington D.C. in March 2013. While she was telling me about it I was thinking of all the reasons why I would say “no”. But suddenly I decided to implement the “yes” policy. When she was still speaking I interrupted her and told her that I thought it was a great idea and that she should go to the trip. I told her that if she really wanted to go she would have to work hard doing fundraisers and that I would help her with them. I even emphasized that she would make wonderful memories during the trip and learn a lot on the trip. She is so happy and excited about pursuing this!
Another point for being free in Christ, one less shackle of my futile thinking!
Hey Lynette, good to hear about Makenzie and her idea of going places 🙂 It pays not to be a stick in the mud as a parent, right? I feel for the kids that have parents who don’t value their interests. They’re too busy talking to others parents or just don’t have time! I know with our kids, they know it’s always yes with us because we take time to explain things to them, let them experience things and be enriched, and we let them learned from their mistake too.
I think of Makenzie when I read this and the many adventures she takes us on. She wants to go places and see things and we go like Stone Mountain in Georgia. The next adventure for us is a hunt for pirates and treasures. I’m grateful for God’s kindness and mercy to say yes to Makenzie or sadly I would not flourish her desire to see and do new things.
Honestly, I would have had a mixture of saying “Yes” and “Back-In-My-Day…” I’m glad you put this out, because I can put this into practice with the nephews/nieces I have now, even though the role isn’t the same. I wasn’t given the “Yes” approach, but I have the opportunity to give it and will. The biggest thing I see parents forget is that their children are people, with their own ideas, thoughts, imaginations, dreams, hopes and more! Crazier than that is I see parents that, with every fiber of their being, refuse to believe that their children can teach them anything. Eventually, the best they can do is teach their kids to be like them, which is sad beyond measure. Amen bro.